Now I Know You and See How Wide You Are to the World

by Paper Bee and Loone

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released December 17, 2015

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paper bee Montague, Massachusetts

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Track Name: Paper Bee: The Choice to be Heard and Not Seen
the most desolate stretches of highway surround me when I say I am home

stretching out like the sorest of arms through the heat reaching to the sea grasping

towards a life that was never mine

towards my ghosts in the thickest darkest pines

where the moon dappled snow takes the form of a hearts deepest fears

they can find you in your room under the covers with all the lights on

it doesn't matter thousands of miles only makes them stronger

I fell in love with the shadow you cast it enveloped the whole coast it let me remain

exiled by nothing married to escape

I had hoped to wake up in the morning as oh something else anything anything else

oh the undertow grasps at my ankles and I'm tumbling I remain spinning

through the dark to stay out at sea where there is no easy answer and I am only me

and the foam on the waves isn't safe but it's something like home

it's a process we've been told but legends of comfort are haunting our bones

it doesn't matter trying to change only makes it harder

I fell in love with ideas of boys salvation disgust validation and pain

take my awful body wrap me in lace and drench me in honey

diving back into the salt we are safe no boys allowed can this just be my place?

scream under water bubbles come out is this tears or laughter?

mom I'm so sorry I can't be your girl I am a strange creature of sadness and words

but I am not leaving you are the one who showed me the ocean
Track Name: Paper Bee: Lovers as Mirrors
started off whole started off true

it was simple I mean honest between me and you

something so good can't leave it alone

we distort it twist it place upon it every time we think it

till it shows us everything we could be

in the fading scent of someone who is not there

someone who can't hurt you someone who you hope is

someone who is perfect when she's just a letter

so shed another skin I am not sure I'm what I say I am

but please send details of your flaws so I can't turn you into

something cold and statuesque towering above my bed

I wanna hold the shattered pieces to my lips and try and understand

so broken we will break our breaking hearts against eachother

spilling out our splinters on our pillows staining sheets with our loss

till the sun's back on your face and the day is just another day

and leaving you will take a version of me that I hope is close to right

and I'll stay up all night
Track Name: Paper Bee: The End Parts I & II
the end:

we wake up and I can't reach you

your eyes are still closed

I know you're awake I heard you shaking

but you're nowhere near

and I can't do shit

we get up I still can't reach you

the coffee's lukewarm

and the space growing between us

is silent expansive cold


the end part 2:

when it rains in this desert I'm home

clouds roll in and I don't feel as old

smell the asphalt I'm a kid again

wasn't better but I still miss it

and I can't try to hold a light

to your sharp elbows in my bed and the dried crisp leaves around your head

and the train never came and I would never claim that we found what we needed in each other

no it wasn't what we needed in each other or at least

it wasn't enough it wasn't enough and now I'm not ok

it wasn't enough it wasn't enough and now nothing feels sacred

your hands in the soil your fingers they move through the moist they are safe

we tried to go back it wasn't the same now it's crumbled and gone

the last time we talked I knew it was gone it was the physical absence of something
Track Name: Paper Bee: Ugly, I'm Sorry
I am picturing you at 17

your body's to hard to taught the world's too mean

and you're scrappy and wide grinned but your skin is so thin

you are stared at but rarely seen

and I was here in the dry heat with upturned palms and scraped knees

where I dreamt of flying monster machines carrying me from the city

and I wanna fold that tired body into strong arms thick and mending

that could place you somewhere safer but then how would you have found me?

these are the chords you return to they have a way of holding you

and leading you into the brambles dark and twisting shapes entangled

soothe you into someplace old and haunted with discarded words

you pluck them from a thorny vine and place them back upon your tongue

and oh sweet longing yearning for the triumph that could come

your voice rang out across the room I didn't understand it

but I saw you there outstretched and grasping something in me that was breaking

casting out a net of moonlit hopes all woven in your chest

I felt it slip around us pressing lace into my bed

and a tiny silver ringing slices through my dreams so close to your head

and I wanna see you laughing and I wanna know your needs are being met

and I wanna hold your hand and go explore the pulsing humming darkness
Track Name: Paper Bee: A Swarm
the thin walls that protect me from what's to big feel thinner lately

the sleep is bad the dreams are bad

so I wanna hear your heart beat cause I do believe that you care about me

it feels as inescapable as the way I fear this heat

oh surround me with your love strong as a swarm of bees