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Love Is Not

from Thaw, Freeze, Thaw by paper bee

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lyrics

i wanna believe that I deserve the kind of love that doesn’t always hurt
and I wanna believe that I can hold something fragile in my hands
and I wanna believe that your grip on me wasn’t meant to crush anything
and I wanna believe that the cold I felt was the distance like you said
and I know home is not to be called upon
and I know it’s not as simple as deserving or belonging
I know love can’t heal it all
and I love you doesn’t strengthen when you say it every hour every day
when you wish on every eyelash every 11:11 that someone will just be ok
I dreamt that you died so many nights and the loss followed me through so many days
i was so sure that it would be the way that the power of my love for you would betray me
till i woke up with so much chipped away by the smallest of chisels resentment rusting me away

pack it away if it interferes with the story of what this should feel like show my friends what this should look like
till it is bursting out of every seam of my body I am sick all the time cry for you I’m sick all the time
you think I’m weak but I’m holding this storm and it’s heavier than anything I’m so mixed up you are always right
putting me down what does it strengthen i’ve never cried as much as this year love isn’t all about power

baby I’m not the snow and you’re not the leaves
pain flows with love when we’re to shattered to do more than breathe
I’m trying to think that there’s more there for us to be
but I know I can’t be much if who I love does not believe in me

credits

from Thaw, Freeze, Thaw, released May 19, 2023

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paper bee Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

nick + toni + cherise + sam!

:) :( :) :(

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